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JOKES AND Riddles!!
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Woman and the baked beans!! ::)
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on. So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight.
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story. He went into the mountains to do some research. There, he found an old farmer sitting on his porch, introduced himself, and explained his mission.
The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened around here that made you really happy?"
After a moment, the farmer said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and found her. After we all screwed her, we took her back home."
"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can't you think of anything else that happened that made you happy?"
The farmer thought for a minute and smiled, "Yep! One time a neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. Then we all screwed it and took it back home."
Again, the young man said "I can't print that, either. Let's try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?"
The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed, and after a few seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said, "This one time, I got lost..."
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Another one, cause I'm bored :(
POLITICS
Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, What is politics?
Dad says, Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny- well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, Dad, I think I understand what politics is now.
Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are.
The little boy replies, Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Nobody's posting in this thread>:( >:( So what I'll keep on posting ;D :P
Report Card
Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Vin:
LMAO on each one of them XD :D
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