Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 333179 times)

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4725 on: May 23, 2010, 06:24:33 am »
I have been raised in  a family of girls... ::)
So I know girls very well!!! ::) :P
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline The Golden Girl =D

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4726 on: May 23, 2010, 06:26:20 am »
I have been raised in  a family of girls... ::)
So I know girls very well!!! ::) :P


ur soo like my lil bro lol  ::)
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest(13:28)

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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4727 on: May 23, 2010, 06:27:51 am »
Like ur  lil bro... :o
I'm not ur lil bro.... >:(
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline The Golden Girl =D

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4728 on: May 23, 2010, 06:30:28 am »
Like ur  lil bro... :o
I'm not ur lil bro.... >:(

i didn't mean it that way ...... what i meant is that my lil bro is like u , he has also been raised by a family full of girls ,don't get me wrong  ;)
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest(13:28)

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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4729 on: May 23, 2010, 06:34:53 am »
No, I got u right. :)
I was just kidding!! :P
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline The Golden Girl =D

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4730 on: May 23, 2010, 06:36:13 am »
No, I got u right. :)
I was just kidding!! :P

hehe  ::)
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest(13:28)

Please, Don't forget to Include GG in your Prayers =D

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4731 on: May 23, 2010, 06:36:47 am »
hehe too :P
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline dodi23

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4732 on: May 23, 2010, 07:42:38 am »
havent posted 4 soo long had 2 study accounting nd bio........By the way loved ur jokes lord kratos!!! :D

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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Offline dodi23

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4733 on: May 23, 2010, 07:45:17 am »
this joke is a bit sick but made me laff my a** off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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Offline guMnam

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4734 on: May 23, 2010, 09:24:26 am »
this joke is a bit sick but made me laff my a** off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
hahahahhahahahahaha...lmao

I <3 Challenges
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Offline Nobody

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4735 on: May 23, 2010, 02:39:03 pm »
If only life could be like computers

If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctr, Delete” and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”.

Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display or contrast settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.

“Help” with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn’t need auto insurance. You’d use your backups to recover from a crash.

We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”.

Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on “back”.

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click “update”.

You don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”!
The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling!
And even more beautiful is, knowing that you are the reason behind it.

Offline Kim

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4736 on: May 23, 2010, 02:41:20 pm »
ooooooooh that would be a dream come true

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Offline Nobody

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4737 on: May 23, 2010, 02:43:23 pm »
ooooooooh that would be a dream come true



That would be really nice....
The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling!
And even more beautiful is, knowing that you are the reason behind it.

Offline theone

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4738 on: May 23, 2010, 03:52:33 pm »
a blond went to a shop
she told the guy she wanted to buy that toaster he responded sorry i dont sell to blonds
she dyed her hair blue and went again
she told the guy she wanted to buy that toaster agian he said i dont sell to blonds
she dyed her hair red and went again
she told the guy she wanted to buy that toaster and agin he said i dont sell to blonds
she shaved her head and went again
the guy answered back in the same way again
she then finally asked him how did you know i am a blond i have no hair
because this is not a toaster its an oven
if you wanna get somewhere in life do something about it dont just leave it up to luck!!!!!!!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4739 on: May 23, 2010, 07:48:27 pm »
a blond went to a shop
she told the guy she wanted to buy that toaster he responded sorry i dont sell to blonds
she dyed her hair blue and went again
she told the guy she wanted to buy that toaster agian he said i dont sell to blonds
she dyed her hair red and went again
she told the guy she wanted to buy that toaster and agin he said i dont sell to blonds
she shaved her head and went again
the guy answered back in the same way again
she then finally asked him how did you know i am a blond i have no hair
because this is not a toaster its an oven


better version..
is the microwave and the tv