JOKES AND Riddles!!

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

              Disclaimer: The following joke is not for kids!!!!! U have already been warned!!!!

                         Polio,measles and smallpox.......

A man and woman just got married and were spending their first night together. They were both starting to undress and the man took his shoes and socks off first.
The woman looked at his toes all red and curled in and asked, “What happened to your toes?”
So he answered, “I suffered from a childhood disease called Tolio.”
Woman: Don’t you mean Polio?
Man: No, Tolio only affects the toes.

Then they continue undressing and he takes his pants off and she notices that his knees are real ugly and crooked so she asks him what happened.
Man: I also suffered from Kneasles.
Woman: Don’t you mean Measles?
Man: No, Kneasles. It only affects the knees.

So finally he takes his underwear off and the wife takes one look and seems disappointed.
Man: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!
Woman: Don’t tell me…
… You also had smallcox?

 

[DrEvil]

              Disclaimer: The following joke is not for kids!!!!! U have been already warned!!!!

                         Polio,measles and smallpox.......

A man and woman just got married and were spending their first night together. They were both starting to undress and the man took his shoes and socks off first.
The woman looked at his toes all red and curled in and asked, “What happened to your toes?”
So he answered, “I suffered from a childhood disease called Tolio.”
Woman: Don’t you mean Polio?
Man: No, Tolio only affects the toes.

Then they continue undressing and he takes his pants off and she notices that his knees are real ugly and crooked so she asks him what happened.
Man: I also suffered from Kneasles.
Woman: Don’t you mean Measles?
Man: No, Kneasles. It only affects the knees.

So finally he takes his underwear off and the wife takes one look and seems disappointed.
Man: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!
Woman: Don’t tell me…
… You also had smallcox?

 

hahahahahahahahaahahaha....hahahahahahahaha...

where do u get jokes like these from??

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

simple , I have a huge database of 10 million jokes .
I just take these jokes from the database!!

just kidding
I use google!!!

[dodi23]

LMAOOOOOOOOOO...THTS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!

[Nobody]

Husband installation

A woman writes to the Technical support person!

Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5..0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no available.

What can I do?

Signed,
XYZ Woman

***********************************************

DEAR XYZ Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: i thought you loved me and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly, You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

[Vin]

LOL !! awesome !!

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

awesome joke NOBODY
NOBODY IS coooooooool !!!!!!

[ksitna]

greattt

[Nobody]

                                                                                   Men are Priceless!

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, 'While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.'

[Nobody]

Thank you....ONE more!

Did you see me rob the bank?

A man burst into a crowded bank, ordered everyone into a corner, and then got his bag filled with packets of money.

But instead of running out, he approached the crowd of terrified customers. He picked out one and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

"No sir, I sure didn't," the man replied -- "But my wife did."

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

ha haa haaaaa omg , hilarious!!!!!!
Nobody is good!!!!!

[DrEvil]

AWESOME JOKES MAN!! AWESOME!!

[Nobody]

i have got tonnes of these....

keep reading!

Why men wear ear rings?

I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

[dodi23]

read this

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

I have read both of them before but they r still awesome!!!!
+rep to u for making me laugh!!!!