Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 337187 times)

Offline Exam_Terrified

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2715 on: June 10, 2009, 10:04:15 pm »
Rules Guys wished Girls knew... ( For all the women out there  ;D )

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are preparedto discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation,and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of thetides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.


hahahah that just cracked me up..
even though im a girl -.-

lool at 7,8,11, & 15 ( HILARIOUS !)

Offline Exam_Terrified

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2716 on: June 10, 2009, 10:15:03 pm »
hello peeps!!

lol..here sanity i am posting....and E_T i would never be mad from anyone...lol...the whole thing was a joke...peace

nd hey u should join our family :D

E_T.......my new cousin :D lol

awww. am tearing.lol.of course i wanna join!

i'm honored !  :-*

cairo . madinet nasr n specific !

buh-bye sanity . nighty night !





da e7na gran 3ala keda b2a :D lol

3abas el 3a2ad>> ma place :D lol

yeahh. bas am kinda near the stadium. the distance is walked ! ;D

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2717 on: June 10, 2009, 10:24:13 pm »
hello peeps!!

lol..here sanity i am posting....and E_T i would never be mad from anyone...lol...the whole thing was a joke...peace

nd hey u should join our family :D

E_T.......my new cousin :D lol

awww. am tearing.lol.of course i wanna join!

i'm honored !  :-*

cairo . madinet nasr n specific !

buh-bye sanity . nighty night !





da e7na gran 3ala keda b2a :D lol

3abas el 3a2ad>> ma place :D lol

yeahh. bas am kinda near the stadium. the distance is walked ! ;D

yea :D haha........atmashaha 3ady ya3ni hahahha XD

Offline Exam_Terrified

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2718 on: June 10, 2009, 10:28:41 pm »
hello peeps!!

lol..here sanity i am posting....and E_T i would never be mad from anyone...lol...the whole thing was a joke...peace

nd hey u should join our family :D

E_T.......my new cousin :D lol

awww. am tearing.lol.of course i wanna join!

i'm honored !  :-*

cairo . madinet nasr n specific !

buh-bye sanity . nighty night !





da e7na gran 3ala keda b2a :D lol

3abas el 3a2ad>> ma place :D lol

yeahh. bas am kinda near the stadium. the distance is walked ! ;D

yea :D haha........atmashaha 3ady ya3ni hahahha XD

ah. hehehe.
msh 3ayez te7ot some jokes 2day ?? i read most of the jokes on recent pages. wi am bored now !

Offline Exam_Terrified

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2719 on: June 10, 2009, 10:44:30 pm »
master ! where u go ??

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2720 on: June 10, 2009, 10:54:49 pm »
master ! where u go ??

sry im here again :D lol

ok i will post some now :D

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2721 on: June 10, 2009, 10:59:21 pm »
Walks Into a Bar... Double Vodkas


A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"




hope not over rated :D

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2722 on: June 10, 2009, 11:02:29 pm »
What do you get when  you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?








Pumpkin Pi!

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2723 on: June 10, 2009, 11:06:25 pm »
Skin Transplant Surgery


A married couple was
in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it.  I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Offline Exam_Terrified

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2724 on: June 10, 2009, 11:09:18 pm »
Skin Transplant Surgery


A married couple was
in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it.  I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


loooooooool. bt ewww !

hehe

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2725 on: June 10, 2009, 11:13:41 pm »
Skin Transplant Surgery


A married couple was
in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it.  I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


loooooooool. bt ewww !

hehe

its ewww alright.......but its, hahahhahahahhaha!!!

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2726 on: June 10, 2009, 11:15:04 pm »
Identifying wasted time

TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting

5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319 Waiting for Break

5320 Waiting for Lunch

5321 Waiting for End of Day

5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker

5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present

5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend

5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning

5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You

5481 Buying Snack

5482 Eating Snack

5500 Filling Out Timesheet

5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502 Waiting for Something to Happen

5503 Scratching Yourself

5504 Sleeping

5510 Feeling Bored

5511 Feeling Horny

5600 Complaining About Lousy Job

5601 Complaining About Low Pay

5602 Complaining About Long Hours

5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)

5604 Complaining About Boss

5605 Complaining About Personal Problems

5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining

5701 Not Actually Present At Job

5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

6102 Ordering Out

6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 Stealing Company Goods

6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods

6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods

6205 Hiding from Boss

6206 Gossip

6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6211 Updating Resume

6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter

6213 Out of Office on Interview

6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223 Pretending You Like Coworker

6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks

6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)

6602 Complaining

6603 Writing a Book on Company Time

6611 Staring Into Space

6612 Staring At Computer Screen

6615 Transcendental Meditation

7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

8000 Recreational Drug Use

8001 Non-recreational Drug Use

8002 Liquid Lunch

8100 Reading e-mail

Offline Exam_Terrified

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2727 on: June 10, 2009, 11:16:31 pm »
Skin Transplant Surgery


A married couple was
in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it.  I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


loooooooool. bt ewww !

hehe

its ewww alright.......but its, hahahhahahahhaha!!!

lool. yeah, but i mean among the skin of all the other parts of the body and among all the people. did they have to chose skin 4rm there ??

at least, the source is trust-worthy . lol.

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2728 on: June 10, 2009, 11:17:43 pm »
And We Wonder Why Aliens Don't Visit Us...

Offline sanity_master

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2729 on: June 10, 2009, 11:18:49 pm »
Skin Transplant Surgery


A married couple was
in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it.  I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


loooooooool. bt ewww !

hehe

its ewww alright.......but its, hahahhahahahhaha!!!

lool. yeah, but i mean among the skin of all the other parts of the body and among all the people. did they have to chose skin 4rm there ??

at least, the source is trust-worthy . lol.

if it wasnt trust-worthy, i wouldnt have continued reading the joke :D :P .............ROFL