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Marriage in Islam <3
Romeesa-Chan:
I WAS FOURTEEN,
..when I first contemplated marriage. I was watching my eldest sister getting engaged and then soon married off to her best friend, crush, and admirer from childhood. Then a few months later, I watched her best friend get engaged and soon married off as well.
I remember when my mother told me that my sister Emina would get married. I remember grabbing the house phone, running into my parents closet, calling up my best friend (who was Nora at that time) and sharing with her the news. You’re the only one who knows I remember whispering to her don’t tell anyone.
But I didn’t know what being married meant until the morning of her wedding where they packed all her bags and escorted her to her father in laws van. But before that, I remember being in my sisters room and listening to my father on the phone (with the sheikh who would marry her and enis) answering some basic questions. I remember my father asking Emina when her birthday is; when Enis’s birthday is. That morning, that was all I thought about.
The only time I cried for Emina was after we drove off from her wedding day. She, of course, was happy as hell. I don’t remember why I was crying, I just remember having my cousin (who flew from Bosnia to attend my sisters wedding) let me sob on her shoulder.
Then I started the eighth grade. So many things were happening during this year. My crush (this guy I knew since I was a little girl) intensified that year. That year, I had girl drama over who was going to be my best friend or not. That year, I remember cutting out pictures of my Emina into my journal and decorating the page with lipstick marks and glitter. And that year, I thought too hard about marriage.
During my freshman year of highschool, my grades immensly went up. I was soon getting grades no less than 90, became close with the school staff and administration, and contemplating about starting a school’s newspaper.
Between my freshman and sophomore year, two vital things happened in my life. One, my only eldest sister was pregnant. And two, the first guy I ever spoke to was (my six year in length) crush.
When Maryam was born, a little part of me was born too. I had this obsession of making sure that this baby knew how much I loved her, and her mom, and her life, and what I would do to protect her and love her forever. And so when Maryam became one and a half and started walking, we took her to the zoo to celebrate. When she was almost two and began to speak, we had her sleep over for the first time without her parents, and treated her with endless days at the park and baskin robbins treats across the street. And when Abdullah was born, my life had ultimately enriched to an indescribable degree.
But before Emina was pregnant for the second time, I spoke to the guy that I liked. I basically told him how intense of a crush I had on him; that definitely stroked his ego which is why he probably promised the stupid things that he did. Long story short, he began observing religious duties and concluded it was wrong to speak to girls.
I am nineteen years of age; just turned nineteen to be exact. I am in my sophomore year of college, and there is not a day that passes by that I do not contemplate marriage.
But my notion of marriage has obviously evolved; I am - in some form - happy that I have yet to approve of a man who is worth my love, energy, time, affection, and virgnity (that’s right boi’s).
Today, I had a young lady ask me for advice. She described to me her personal scenario of a guy who was willing to wait a few years for her until she was ready to get married. She told me that she really admired him - and him her - but felt uneasy being with him in the way that they were. I dont feel right, she said, it doesn’t feel okay.
People have a right to question the equation of marriage and the Islamic world. I, too, am further observing this issue at a psychological level. But what people don’t seem to notice is how marriage is viewed by Muslims; its something to pay close attention to and observe.
I might be nineteen, but many people have told me I do not mentally replicate this age. And so my duty as citizen of the Ummah is to advise girls about issues I feel I am capable to advise about.
My dearest love, do not fret. Do not fret about marriage. Do not fret about love and whether you’ll ever possess it. Do not fret about when your time will come. Do not fret about who the guy will be. Everything belongs in the dominion of Allah. You must place full effort about making decisions in your life, but Allah is the Rabb of your result.
I do not understand why guys put Muslim girls in this position, but then again I do. Both seek compassion, love, and haya whilst being halal.
Brothers and sisters, it will not work. It does not work. Your plans are ideas written in thin air which therefore holds no value in the decree of Allah. The effort is yours to possess, the end result is Allah’s. My advice is this: don’t put yourself in tight situations. Be sincere in your intent, have haya when you deal with these issues, and be mindful of Allah.
You want to find a partner? By all means. But never forget the values Rasulilah wishes to instill in all of us: haya, respect, and being mindful of Allah.
Its cute and giggly and sweet and heart thrusting and lovely; I know. But don’t lose yourself in any moment of your conquest for love.
If you like eachother; if he likes you, you will be able to speak to him about your feelings. Be a woman of courage, tell him that this makes you feel uncomfortable and that you both should agree on some sort of conclusion or solution. Trust me, this is the only way. If you stay quiet and let it pass, or convince yourself that he’s a good Muslim guy and will protect you, or wish to believe its not that serious, you are putting yourself at ultimate spiritual, emotional, and mental risk.
The only reason I am willing to say yes to the man who I am currently considering now is because he is the most respect and decent man I have ever met. He is respectful, observes his responsibilities, and is ultimately mature. The only reason I pray that Allah brings us together is because he observes the most important Islamic values taught to us by Rasulilah. I would rather wait, struggle, and know that I’ll end up with him than throw myself into a relationship and be able to get married as soon as I want it to be.
And young lady, you are ever so strong. Never - not for a moment - hesitate to speak to me about anything. You’re young, bright, and beautiful; no man wouldn’t think the same. But be mindful of Allah. When you are, Allah does nothing but have your future be the Rubb of your effort.
wa fi amanillah
source ~
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It was such a beautiful read, Masha Allah. She spoke my mind out. <3
Ukhti-R:
masha'Allah.
That was so lovely.
Thank you so much for sharing (: xxx
Romeesa-Chan:
--- Quote from: Aminotransferases on November 22, 2011, 11:47:14 pm ---masha'Allah.
That was so lovely.
Thank you so much for sharing (: xxx
--- End quote ---
I know. :-[ I loved it so much! :D
Thank you for reading. xx :-*
Romeesa-Chan:
The picture was made and my wedding was set, the only last step was istakara. Alhumduiallah I had been okay with praying istakara for all my other situations but that night something felt very weird. Was she the right girl? I wanted to say yes, I was a 33 year old bachelor and had never seen someone so perfect but a tiny piece inside me was questioning. I had made istakara every night and the feeling deepened and so had my denial. This girl had the looks of the best super model and the actions of a companion of the prophet and even liked basketball. I had continued to make istakara, although I had known it was a “no”. I even had considered going against my istakara. Why? Why? Why? I had asked. I could not understand, but I knew what I had to do. I cried for what seemed like months, I guess you can say I am a sensitive guy. I had asked and prayed, all I wanted was a good girl to spend the rest of my life with and it was gone in a blink of a second. How could something so perfect, be bad?
Years passed and alhumduiallah, I am now blessed with a beautiful wife and children, I don’t regret them but sometimes I wonder why I had to wait two more years to get my princess.
That perfect girl was not so perfect, soon after Mahmood’s break off of the engagement, Tanya was arrested for shop lifting.
“…it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. but Allah knoweth, and ye know not.” 2:216
~ We were made in Jannah. We were made for Jannah.
This is simply our journey to our final home. ~
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Reading this gives me so much hope, alhamdulillah. :D
silvercameron:
Romeesa, a beautiful post ,full of meaning and wise indeed.. Thanks for sharing.
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