Qualification > Languages

Um . what would you grade me on this?

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Galleria:
LOL i dont mind getting a 10 on that essay because i have no idea how to write argumentative .. till now
what do you think of my descriptive ?

sabbath_92:

--- Quote from: Chingoo on October 09, 2010, 11:22:32 pm ---17/25

-> You've used bombastic and flamboyant language without purpose and hence, sometimes used it out of context or incorrectly. E.g. I couldn’t help but see the dark colour on the horizon emerging towards me (it is inaccurate to say something is emerging toward another. Emerge is almost always used in the context of 'emerge from xyz', because plants don't grow to the sky, they grow from the ground. Exceptions not considered. Also, though insignificant, develop a habit of using 'toward', 'afterward', etc, since 'towards' is actually a colloquial term.)
-> Disruptive use of language. E.g. One because my mother would kill me (Firstly, 'one because' is not a logical phrase. It should either be 'the first one being that' or 'one: my mother', etc. Also, where you're using formal and florid language, 'my mother would kill me' is not appropriate. The narrative is disrupted because of this incorrect usage.)
-> Lack of fluency in script. E.g. I started to run. But then stopped. “What if I slip?”, I thought to myself. No. I couldn’t do it. So, I walked faster and put on the cap of my hood. Now, it was pelting and I was wet – completely soaked from top to bottom. (There is absolutely no fluidity in reading this entire paragraph. I pause at the wrong points and there is no connection between the sentences.)

I have not given many other examples and corrections on purpose, because if you grasp the flaws I've detected, you yourself will be able to evaluate your script.

--- End quote ---

:O CHINGOO! Read my personal statement for me?? ^_^

Chingoo:

--- Quote from: sabbath_92 on October 12, 2010, 04:03:29 pm ---:O CHINGOO! Read my personal statement for me?? ^_^

--- End quote ---
Uh, sure. xD

Galleria, when you edited your descriptive essay you merely corrected the errors I had pointed out. You did not look for similar errors in the script, which I asked you to, which is why it still doesn't deserve a lot more marks.

elemis:
I think its too late to improve onyour english writing skills. Your exams are on the doorstep.

The only advice I can give you is learn some new vocabulary.

Galleria:
how about an 18 ? :D . im not askiiing for a lot . lol

aaand ari , oh . i was so amazed by your english so i showed your piece to this FABULOUS ENGLISH WRITER in our school's AS . she said it's like someone gave a dictionary to a 10th grader . lol . wellll anyway , i dont think learning some new vocabs are gonnaaaa help at all . i just need to be exposed to a LOT OF GOOD ESSAYS . that's all i can do , i have to prepare for other subjects too =( . so Ariiii , regardless of what that girl saiid , can you givee me some of your essays ? :D im sure all of them are amazing! i just need help preparing and i think only reading essays and not books can help at the moment .

aactually , good essays from everyone are welcome ! :D
PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS LOL . I CAN LOSE MY A* because of my essay =[

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